At some point in my large adult life I grew exhausted with Christmas and the holiday season. Maybe it was the perpetual annoyance with the capitalist driven society we live in. Maybe it was a weird falling out with the holiday season because I got dumped during Christmas once. Who knows, and frankly, who really cares.
I’ve wanted to do something neat for the folks on hockey twitter – predominately my good buddies who are more than just twitter pals now – but in general something good for everyone. We know that the general composition of Hockey Twitter is approximately 99.31% trash. That leaves 0.69% of you in the nice category.
So what does this mean, Mike? why are you writing some long-winded introduction to your stupid ass Holiday cards?
All the card packs are here. I’m ready for Christmas cards. 🙂 pic.twitter.com/tZQM6LRDP8
— Mike Pfeil (@mikeFAIL) November 6, 2017
Alright, my lean cuisine loving large adult children it’s time to sign up and get a Holiday card from me. You have until November 20th to sign up.
In that card will be a random pack of McDonalds Upper Deck 1992-93 Hockey Cards OR McDonalds Pinnacle 3D 1996-97 Hockey Cards. You have no choice in what pack you get either. There are a total of 50 packs of each. There will be two versions of the Holiday card as well, which obviously you have no choice in receiving as well.
So let’s summarize this very quickly because I can only assume you just microwaved the aforementioned lean cuisine – and it’s probably cooling fast – and want to speed this up:
- Holiday cards – there are two varieties. You have no choice. They are non-denominational so everyone, of every background/faith can be included.
- Hockey cards – 1992-93 OR 96-97. Again, no choice.
- There are only 100 card packs total. So 100 cards will be mailed out with them.
- Anyone who doesn’t get a card pack will be shit out of luck sadly, but still receive a card from me. I promise the holiday card will be as adequate as that distant family member you never speak to ever, but receive a card from every year’s card.
- The previous promise expires: December 1st.
How do you get them?
Fill out your contact information here, in this very secure and safe location. I guarantee safety of your mailing address. I do not guarantee a mailman opens up your potential holiday card and steals the hockey cards. If that’s the case I promise a blood feud with postal workers until retribution is achieved.
Why are you doing this, Mike?
I feel like doing something nice? I don’t know, jeez, just accept my kindness.
Are you mailing these with your personal return address?
No. I’m using a post office box.
So if you want, you can mail me a card. I don’t expect anything in return. Put that effort into doing something nice in your community like buying a toy for a kid, food for the people in need, a donation to the SPCA, or any other important charity close to your heart. Or spend that money and effort that could be used on something nice by chugging five beers and some egg nog.
Tell me more about them ol’ hockey cards
Mike, this is extremely long. Where do I sign up again?
You sign up here. You have until the 20th.